The results were shocking, UK is leaving Europe. Really? Can’t be. We went to sleep last night trusting that everything was going to remain the same. We had a good night sleep, we woke up nice and fresh with a positive attitude and ambitious for the future. After a few yoga stretching we were ready and looking forward for the day ahead. Suddenly the shocking news: UK is leaving. Excuse me, can you repeat? Leave campaign won the referendum. I beg your pardon, I think I’m having some problems with my ears, you know, the first sign of ageing, can you repeat again? UK IS OUT. Silence. And then the world collapsed into sadness.
So what now? We could be positive and take it as an exciting change, a bit of fresh air, you know, risks are always worth taken and bla bla bla. No, still does not sound right. We can’t help it, it only just happened and we are already feeling isolated and alienated. We have lost out mother Europe, our colorful identity and we are left in the hands of a Disunited Kingdom. Everything is falling apart: UK is leaving, Scotland is leaving, David Cameron is leaving, everybody is leaving. The GBP dropped massively and the English pensioners in Spain are looking quite worried. What will happen to them? Will they be treated as illegal immigrants and sent back to cloudy London? They are destined to lose their tan and go back to the ghostly pale Londoner look. Not too bad, just a bit less attractive for Latin lovers but very tempting for single vampires and newly divorced zombies.
And what about the Italians in London? will they have to pack all their pizzas and loud talking to settle back in Italy? How sad. With no more Italians around, London would suddenly fall into a complete terrible silence. And the Queen? Anybody heard from the Queen? All we know is that David Cameron called her majesty in the morning exactly at 7.30 to let her know his intention to leave. “Hello, can I speak to the Queen? This is David Cameron, I’ve just called to say that I am leaving. Sorry for the sudden call so early in the morning.” We don’t know if the phone call was successful or if the Queen missed it because she was still sleeping. This uncertainty is bad, drastically affecting the market, all the markets, including supermarkets. The future of sterling is fragile. Once upon a time there was a strong currency called Sterling. Will this become the best bed time story for future generations? At least the English pensioners coming back from Spain could find some consolation when exchanging their last euros in their pockets. And finally they could afford a house in London.
And now the final incredible non-sense: some people voted to leave but they said if they knew their vote would count they would have voted to stay. Now, can anyone explains this logic? Are we voting or are we playing monopoly? What will happen to our beloved city of London? And who will be the next prime minister? Boris Johnson or Jimmy Page?
Goodbye Europe, Welcome Chaos. (I think I should resign as well.)