To Chris, loud love

I fell on a black day today. My heart is hurting. I am speechless. I am sad.

To Chris, love to you, loud love.

Lalla

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Tarantino Effect

Hey!!!

I’m back!! yes, after listening to Sol Invictous for so long I fell in a no-responsive state of God knows what for few weeks. A big thank you to all my friends for bringing me back. This week topic, Tarantino. I actually saw the Hateful Eight last year when it came out but at that time I did not have the blog. So I had to bring the topic back this year. I love Tarantino. I am currently reading Kill Bill script. I’ve got it in my bag and I read it every time I find a free moment, waiting for the train, in the train, waiting for the pizza.  While I read it I visualize the movie and I feel like I am the Bride, so cool.

So The Hateful Eight. I loved it because I hated it. Brilliant. Only Tarantino can do this.

Thank you Quentin, I will be forever your humble disciple.

Good to be back

Lalla

 

The Biggest News of Last Year

So, I’m moving from one god, Tool, to another one, Faith No More. This is a very sensitive subject for me, I don’t know if I will have enough strength to complete this article without falling into tears. So Faith No more have finally released the very long awaited album, Sol Invictous.  We had to wait 18 years for this. We should now have one minute of silence to fully understand the hugeness of this event. 18 years, I repeat, 18 years. This is even worse than Tool new album. Just realized that, since history repeats itself, we could perhaps assume that also Tool will release their new album after 18 years. So from 2006 album 10,000 days we add 18 years equals 2024, so still 8 years to wait. I like my calculations, they really do make sense.

So back to Faith No More. I know Sol Invictous is not really breaking news,  I did do the comic strips last year when it actually came out and it was then the news of the year  but at that time I did not have the blog. So I thought to post it anyway with retro-effect. I can’t live without underlining the hugeness of this event and write a proper article about it. We have all loved Sol Invictous, and we will always love Faith No More for ever and ever. Doesn’t matter if we get old, if the music changes, new trends, new instruments, alien invasions or ice age. Faith No More will always be in our heart, they will never age. This is because they are in our blood, we grew up with them, they were our shelter. Everything could go wrong, it did not matter, we had Faith No More, we had Angel Dust. I need another one minute of silence because this moment is too dramatic.

Everybody tried to copy Faith No More but nobody ever managed to be as cool. Never. Just consequences of the main force. They are the precursors of everything, including the Big Bang.  No musicians should ever be respected if they cannot list all songs of Angel Dust in order of appearance. Once I went to Alice in Chains concert. I was wearing my Tool T-shirt. As you know, the T-shirt you wear is very important. I then saw a guy wearing an Angel Dust t-shirt. We stopped. We looked into each other eyes, very deeply and very seriously. We bowed down as a sign of reciprocal respect. We then gradually walked away from each other stepping backwards, without turning our back to each other. This was a sign of extremely deep respect.

Thank you Faith No more. I now need another one minute of silence.

Angel Dust be with us always and for ever. Amen.

Lalla

10 reasons why Tool new album is not out yet

Ok, so we are all fed up with this endless Tool new album wait. It is painful. 10 YEARS since the last one, 10,000 Days, and still nothing. Is it about time that we gave up on Tool? Maynard, give us a sign if you can. You might be enjoying your wine and having fun touring with Puscifer but we are not. We are still here, damned souls wandering in this purgatory of endless wait.

And since I can’t rest my mind thinking why why and why this album is not out yet, I thought to release the stress by trying to solve this mystery myself. Here are the 10 possible reasons why Tool new album is not out yet:

Reason 1: Tool don’t exist. They are just a data inserted in our mind. In fact we are not humans, we are robots programmed to wait for tool new album.

Reason 2: According to an old American Indian legend, Tool last album is the way to find out  Tool new album releasing date. The clue is in the title: 10,000 days. This is not just the title of the album but it is the secret code for Tool new album release date. So let’s start the calculations: 10,00 days are 27 years. The album was released in 2006, so 10 years ago. So if we deduct 10 years already gone from the total  of 27 years waiting time we are left with 17 years  still to wait. And that means, ladies and gentlemen, that I can, right here, right now, tell you the exact release day we have been waiting for. Ladies and gentlemen, I can proudly and finally announce that Tool new album will be released on: 10th October 2033.

Reason 3: Tool are dead and we don’t know. The Tool we see are just puppets that replace Tool’s dead bodies, like Norman Bates mother in Psycho. This is a conspiracy. So if you see Maynard don’t be a fool and fall in the trap, it is not Maynard. It is just a puppet made in the shape of Maynard. In fact if you pinch him with a needle you will be shocked to notice how, so called Maynard, would not show any sign of pain. This is because it is just a puppet. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

Reason 4: The God of perfection voted Lateralus the most perfect album ever in the history of albums. It is impossible to create a better album so Tool have lost motivation and fell into deep depression. They don’t care about anything anymore. They even  tried to kill themselves many times. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

Reason 5: Maynard drinks too much wine so he is drunk all the time and does not understand anything. He can’t even stand up for more than 2 minutes. He tried ones the yoga Tree pose standing on one leg and lost the balance straightaway. He smashed his face against the bathroom floor and broke  a few teeth. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

Reason 6: Adam Jones was attacked buy one of his puppets and was eaten alive. Tool are missing the guitarist and are very depressed for the sudden and dramatic loss. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

Reason 7: Tool started Ashtanga yoga classes and became totally committed. The hard training made them lose lots of weight, gradually becoming so thin that they disappeared. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

Reason 8: The Bad Witch of the West transformed Tool in actual Tools. Danny Carey is now a hammer, Adam Jones is a screwdriver, Maynard is a corkscrew  and Justin Chancellor is a drill. These new shapes allow very limited movement. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

Reason 9: Tool have been kidnapped and they are now prisoners in a deserted island, somewhere in the middle of the Pacific ocean. The ransom has been sent out to their relatives but they could not care less. They are still prisoners and don’t have any food or instruments to play. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

Reason 10 (most possible one): Danny Carrey has found a sacred geometrical shape that, under the light of a full moon, opened the door to a parallel universe where people walk with their hands and wear hats on their feet. Tool are trapped in this universe and cannot come back. In such a situation Tool cannot work on the new album.

So, hope you have found my list helpful somehow. You can vote your favorite one or even add you own reason. But still the new album is not out, yet. Maybe in 2033.

Tool, give us a sign.

Regards

Lalla

Bowie Supremacy

Hello everybody.

This is the third and last part of Bowie trilogy. I have moved from ignoring Bowie existence to become his number one fan. Why not? a respectful character has to change otherwise there is no story. Guilner is not convinced about my Bowie new trend and he is bringing up my Sepultura CD against me. Not fair. Although I have a metal background I still have the right to listen to pop. And I think David Bowie is very nice. And I also like Sepultura Roots. This is because my mind is flexible. People that don’t appreciate things outside their box  are boring. And stuck.

Love

Lalla

Dear David Bowie

Dear David Bowie,

I’m sorry I thought “The Man Who Sold The World” was a Nirvana song. I’m sorry for unfairly glorifying Nirvana for all these years and leaving you in the corner covered with spider web and dust. I know now Nirvana stole your song, I know now this is your song and you should get all the credit for it. I will start a campaign to support your right against Nirvana; I will start putting posters everywhere in London to clarify this song ownership catastrophe. Justice must be done. In my defense though, please consider that I knew “Let’s Dance” was your song. This should reduce my sentence  if you ever wanted to punish me for my ignorance.The reduction of a sentence to a less harsh punishment is also called mitigated sentence. I did not use this word in the first place because it sounded too difficult to understand. And some people do not know legal terminology.

Dear David Bowie, please forgive me for completely ignoring your existence. The problem is that I was never into Pop music. My background is grunge, metal and new metal. I know bands like Tool, Soundgarden and Korn. And also Marilyn Manson. And please don’t think I am a bad person because I like Marilyn Manson. Although he looks scary he is a very nice guy. I know this because I saw him on a talk show and he said nice things  and he seemed friendly. And whilst the audience was attacking him he kept the control and never got angry. I have concluded that Marilyn Manson is a peaceful person. All his make up is just part of the show, a creative expression, just like you did with Ziggy Stardust. I think his message is that the appearance can’t tell the real nature of the person. Therefore  not all the beautiful people are also nice or the scary people are bad. There is in fact a song by Marilyn Manson called the Beautiful People. The lyrics might have this message, or maybe not.

I saw a documentary about your life. I was totally impressed. Finally an interesting life, not the usual rock star that falls into drugs and dies, end of story. You were different. You did many things: music, fashion, acting, paintings, hairdressing. You were an icon and everybody wanted to copy you and your hairstyle. I love how you changed all the time. This is were I felt the big connection, I also like doing different things. I get bored if I do the same thing all the time. People tell me off, they say I should concentrate on one thing but I don’t listen to them. They are boring. When you are driven by creativity you want to explore. And you did. You lived your life for art until the very end releasing your last album just two days before you died. I’m speechless. The video Blackstar is so weird it made me cry tears of happiness. I only realized now how cool you are. In fact you are so cool I can’t even talk about you because you are too cool.

Please accept this letter as my After Death David Bowie Fan Declaration (A.D.D.B.F.D.)   I know I am tremendously late but please give me a chance. Please. Never too late to appreciate something… but actually late to see you live. This is because you are dead.

P.S. Not only I know the song “Let’s Dance” but I also know the video of “Let’s Dance”. That again might reduce/mitigate further my sentence.

Love

Lalla

 

 

 

Smells like David Bowie

 

I will try to recall that terrible moment I collapsed into pieces.

I was having a cup of coffee with my friend Anna Rosenkraz. I did not see her for a while so we were having a nice chat, as we say, we were catching up, although the ketch up was finished. Suddenly on the radio one of my favorite Nirvana songs: “The Man Who Sold The World”. I could not contain my happiness. The adrenaline kicked off, my face turned into a big smile and everything was beautiful. Huge sunflowers everywhere, the sun was shining and all the birds were singing alleluia. I then jumped on my unicorn and off we went up in the sky, flying through the clouds and over the rainbow. We were happy. Nirvana was on.

Suddenly though the whole magical scenario collapsed. The lyrics started and were strange. Nirvana did not sound quite like Nirvana. A terrible doubt started to grow on me. Nevertheless, I tried to ignore this moment of uncertainty. Maybe I was tired, some hearing problems possibly. So I decided to continue the ride with my unicorn and enjoy that Nirvana song. But I couldn’t enjoy the song, that terrible doubt did not go, it was there like a  thorn prick on my neck and it grew bigger and bigger until it became a real fact. Nirvana was not Nirvana. I could not believe it. What was that voice then?

“Bowie, David Bowie”. Anna Rosenkraz replied.

So that song, all I ever believed in,  was just a cover. Nothing but a bloody cover.

Suddenly I fell from the sky smashing into pieces like I was made of glass.

Nothing was ever the same after that.

 

Anna Rosenkraz

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the new entry in Blueberrybay, my friend, the only and amazing, the intriguiest of all, Anna Rosenkraz. Originally from Berlin, Anna Rosenkraz is a girl of few words, almost the female version of Guilner but possibly even weirder. She’s got a cute very stylist hair cut of which she is very proud of. People do not acknowledge this distinguished hairstyle but she does not care. Under her fringe she hides lots of intriguing mysteries she will not reveal because otherwise they will not be intriguing mysteries.

If you want to know more about the amazing Anna Rosenkraz please read her own profile under Lalla’s Friends.

Love and Pees

Lalla