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I’m back but Rio is gone

Hello everybody!

I’m back, yes, and all in one piece. No shark attacks recorded. Holidays was cool, only under the shade though. Very hot. So how is everybody? Have you been following the Olympics?  Some people don’t really care about them but I think they are great. I love the idea of the world coming together, the competition, the medals. I get really excited about the games. I love all sports, my favorite sports are: swimming, volleyball and gymnastic. Guilner is not that bothered. He did spot something interesting though. Horse riding should not be an Olympic game because all the work is on the horse. Fair enough. After all formula one is not an Olympic sport. I actually read that there was a period when equestrian sports were not included in the Olympics. What made this change I don’t know. Anyway, thanks Guilner for bringing up this interesting point.

Well done Team GB for achieving excellent results, second place in the medal table. I can’t believe China is in third place. This is not going to be swallowed easily. They will start training straight from tomorrow to prepare for Tokyo 2020. First target: destroy team GB. And the British will have to start training even earlier to keep up the position. We only need to wait another 4 years to see. Gosh, that is a long time. What are we going to do in the meantime? Sit, relax and eat crisps.

See you next week.

Love

Lalla

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Happy holidays!!

So finally I am going on holidays!! yes! I’ve got everything ready, almost. I still have to do the check in online and throw a few pieces of clothing in my luggage. I must not forget my Batman shorts I bought especially for my holidays although Batman is not really my favorite superhero. My favorite superhero is Wonder Woman because she is a woman and she is a wonder woman. I’ve recently seen a program  about superheros, they interviewed people to find out the most appreciated superhero. These were the shocking results:

  1. Batman
  2. Superman
  3. Iron Man
  4. Spider Man
  5. Wonder Woman

I can’t believe they put Wonder Woman last. Superheros are a big topic. What’s your favorite superhero? Pay attention to your answer. Think about it, take it as as a Holidays homework, you will have plenty of time as I come back in three weeks, on Monday 22nd August (write it down on your calendar). I am off to a beautiful deserted island. I will take  pictures of strange insects,read lots of comics, eat lots of water melon and relax in the beach while watching the stillness of the sea. Everything sounds perfect unless a sudden shark attack destroys the whole scene. I never got over Jaws the movie. Brilliant. Have you ever seen Jaws 4? or better, did you know there is actually a Jaws 4?  It is so funny because it is so bad. The shark wants revenge against the people who killed the previous sharks (in the previous movies) so funny. What shark wouldn’t want to revenge his fellow friends sharks?

So, whatever you do, enjoy you holidays, and watch out for sharks seeking revenge (if you have never killed a shark you should be OK anyway, the shark will know).

See you in three weeks (write it down on you calendar)

PS – Do not complain about the lack of comics during this time because I’m telling you that I’m going on holiday.

Love

Lalla

 

 

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Dear Tim Peake

Dear Tim Peake,

this is a letter for you from me. Welcome back to planet Earth. I’m so happy you landed safely without smashing your space capsule into pieces against the floor. Very good.

My name is Lalla, I am a silly little girl who loves you very much, but my friend Guilner loves you even more and wants to become an astronaut. The problem is he doesn’t speak Russian. I’ve read that learning Russian was your toughest task and you even went to live in a russian family in Moscow to learn the language. How was it? Did you feel like inside a James Bond movie?  I had a russian builder decorating my flat recently. He came with another guy and the two together were talking Russian. That made me raise my eyebrow almost immediately. My face turned into a Spock-serious illogical face and a dramatic background music suddenly fell into the scene to emphasize the dramatic moment occurring in that dramatic scene. Why were they talking Russian? Were they astronauts? or maybe russian spies pretending to be astronauts pretending to be builders? I could not stop myself, I had to ask them. Unfortunately they could not understand me. I don’t speak Russian. The mystery is unsolved.

So, how is planet earth after space?  The transition must be hard, everything must look so tiny now for you compared to the immensity of the universe. Perhaps wearing some magnifying glasses would help to ease the after-space shock,  at least for the first period. I  freaked out reading about the size of the universe. Here’s my logical space analysis: mars and milky way are not just chocolates. Mars is also a planet. Milky way is also a galaxy that contains the solar system. Its diameter is about 120,000 light years. A light year is about 9 trillion kilometers. One trillion is about this much: 1,000,000,000,000. So if you multiply that times  120,000  you get a ridiculous number impossible to say because it is too long. This Milky Way Galaxy sounds huge but it is only one small portion of the remaining  200 billions galaxies possibly existing in the universe. Now we understand why the scientist cut the calculations short by saying: the universe is infinite full stop. No more questions are allowed.  Our mission to measure the size of the universe is also undermined by another fact. Studies suggest that the universe is expanding, so all the calculations you have made today might be completely different tomorrow, sorry. Maybe we should abandon the ambition of measuring the universe and perhaps take on something more practical like stamp collection or painting. What do you think Tim? maybe we can discuss further face to face, let’s go for a drink, let me know when you are available.

One more thing. I am worried about your health. Was the ICC quarantine regulation applied before entering planet Earth? you know, the 24 hours procedure for decontamination. I’m not being paranoiac, although  you look ok  you might be infected and suddenly an alien creature might burst from your chest. You think this is just a movie reference? it is a real threat be careful, especially after meals.  Movies are not so far from truth. I saw Gravity recently and it seemed very similar to your space stories: amazing views, planet earth just round the corner and Sandra Bullock was floating exactly like you did. I must say there is a movie that I can criticize. In Star Trek we have never seen anybody floating despite the absence of gravity. Mmmh,  it seems illogic.

Dear Tim Peake, I hope you appreciated my letter for you and I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you again for being such a great inspiration,  thank you for your space stories and your constant smiles. I hope your Russian has improved and maybe you can speak to my builder and see if he is a real builder or just a spy pretending to be an astronaut.

Last thing. Why do you need to learn Russian for a space mission? Do the aliens speak Russian?

Love

Lalla

 

 

 

 

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Italy follows the trend

 

In this week comic strips you have a new entry. It is my T-Rex friend Joseph, he is very wise. He tried to give me some emotional support after Italy defeat. He made me think. It seems like nowadays LEAVING is the new trend. Everyday you turn the TV and you hear about someone leaving, a politician, a country, a football team. It is now cool to leave, even more popular than salsa. So write your speech, remember to insert a nice punch line justifying your decision, pack your things and leave, doesn’t matter where you go next, just leave. I recommend Argentina, very nice, and you could learn some tango there.

So Italy followed the trend. Italy is out, but this is not the consequence of a referendum but the consequence of bad luck. C’mon, this penalties thing is not fair. After 90 minutes of hard work plus additional 30 minutes of extra sweat still the game is not over. We are left in the hands of these terrible penalties. We are devastated, our team must score and if it doesn’t we get really angry. I mean really really angry and you’d rather be anything but not that guy who missed the penalty. The worst crime ever. Is this really fair on the footballers? I’d like you to think twice on this, let’s breath deeply and understand their sides as well. Imagine if YOU had to take that penalty, that last action the whole world depends on. How would you feel?

So you are the chosen one to shoot the dreaded penalty. The tension is super high. Your name is called out loud . You stand up, proud and tall, sweating already. You want to show confidence, you know millions of people are watching you, millions of people are trusting you, no pressure. So you  try to make a smile, the best way to hide your emotions. It is a terminator 2 kind of smile, not the best but at least it is a smile. So you get ready for the kick, you concentrate, you make a little quick prayer, you know you can make it, you know you are cool, 3, 2, 1 kick! Did it go through? No, you missed it, big times. So embarrassing, everybody hates you. So where did it go wrong? Let’s rewind it. You were concentrating, you were serious, everything seemed ok apart  from one thing. The moment your foot touched the ball. That second is crucial, you lose concentration, you lose control of the ball. Where was your mind in that precise second? Mmmh, I see. This is the exact moment you thought you need to cut your hair. That’s it, you lost your concentration for a second and the ball went completely out. This is how fragile and volatile a penalty could be. So let’s be less judgemental. In the end these footballers who miss penalties are still humans and even Zaza penalty might have a reason behind. Maybe he was just having a salsa moment, why not? I have heard it is becoming very popular.

See you next week

Love and pees

Lalla

 

 

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God Save Our Precious London

The results were shocking, UK is leaving Europe. Really? Can’t be. We went to sleep last night trusting that everything was going to remain the same. We had a good night sleep, we woke up nice and fresh with a positive attitude and ambitious for the future. After a few yoga stretching we were ready and looking forward for the day ahead. Suddenly the shocking news: UK is leaving. Excuse me, can you repeat? Leave campaign won the referendum. I beg your pardon, I think I’m having some problems with my ears, you know, the first sign of ageing, can you repeat again? UK IS OUT. Silence. And then the world collapsed into sadness.

So what now? We could be positive and take it as an exciting change, a bit of fresh air, you know, risks are always worth taken and bla bla bla. No, still does not sound right. We can’t help it, it only just happened and we are already feeling isolated and alienated. We have lost out mother Europe, our colorful identity and we are left in the hands of a Disunited Kingdom. Everything is falling apart: UK is leaving, Scotland is leaving, David Cameron is leaving, everybody is leaving. The GBP dropped massively and the English pensioners in Spain are looking quite worried. What will happen to them? Will they be treated as illegal immigrants and sent back to cloudy London? They are destined to lose their tan and go back to the ghostly pale Londoner look. Not too bad, just a bit less attractive for Latin lovers but very tempting for single vampires and newly divorced zombies.

And what about the Italians in London? will they have to pack all their pizzas and loud talking to settle back in Italy? How sad. With no more Italians around, London would suddenly fall into a complete terrible silence. And the Queen? Anybody heard from the Queen? All we know is that David Cameron called her majesty in the morning exactly at 7.30 to let her know his intention to leave. “Hello, can I speak to the Queen? This is David Cameron, I’ve just called to say that I am leaving. Sorry for the sudden call so early in the morning.” We don’t know if the phone call was successful or if the Queen missed it because she was still sleeping. This uncertainty is bad, drastically affecting the market, all the markets, including supermarkets. The future of sterling is fragile. Once upon a time there was a strong currency called Sterling. Will this become the best bed time story for future generations? At least the English pensioners coming back from Spain could find some consolation when exchanging their last euros in their pockets. And finally they could afford a house in London.

And now the final incredible non-sense: some people voted to leave but they said if they knew their vote would count they would have voted to stay. Now, can anyone explains this logic? Are we voting or are we playing monopoly? What will happen to our beloved city of London? And who will be the next prime minister? Boris Johnson or Jimmy Page?

Goodbye Europe, Welcome Chaos. (I think I should resign as well.)

Sadly yours

Lalla

 

 

 

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Appetite for Destruction

You do feel a strong appetite for destruction sometimes. Here’s an example: people wearing a Guns and Roses t-shirt without even knowing who Guns and Roses are. This is ridiculous and almost impossible but it is true, I’ve seen this, sadly I did. At first you are excited, you see them showing off the t-shirt, you feel you are connected to them, you smile at them, you start singing Welcome to the Jungle hoping to get a smile back of acknowledgment and rock alliance but instead you get nothing. Why? because they don’t have a clue about Guns n Roses, they only wear it because the Master of Trends told them to do so, and the puppets obey. So to recap, the society now believes that the t-shirt is just a logo with two guns and some happy roses around, forget about the actual massive band, the history of rock, the huge impact Appetite for Destruction album had in our life. Everything has gone and all we get is a t-shirt with a “nice” logo. I have not finished yet. All this rubbish can also be applied to Led Zeppelin, Ramones,  AC-DC and possibly Black Sabbath, it is a rock virus. Pay particular attention to the Led Zeppelin case. You expect people wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt to know at least  Whole lotta love, for rock sake and for England. So you start singing the legendary guitar riff looking for a desperate connection, anything would make you happy, a little smile, a little nod, a little something. Sadly you get nothing,  just a manikin expression which is suddenly enlightened with: “mmm….heard it before, was it on top of the pops?”

Sadly yours

Lalla